Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
