i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
