this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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