do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
barbara walters just said penis...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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