I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
