We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
