i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
