How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
