I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
