Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I need moral support for this bender
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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