i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
