The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
