new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
