hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
