Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
