I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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