I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
