She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
