Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
