do herpes really smell.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
