i just sent this text using only my big toe
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
