Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Randomize
