Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
