you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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