I think my vagina is haunted
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
