Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
