hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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