If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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