When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Holy shit dude........stairs
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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