shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
