tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
