I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
