if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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