I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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