i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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