Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
