Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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