____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
wow bdsm is so cute
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
