You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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