he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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