you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
