There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
