One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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