Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
