By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
