It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
