Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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