If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Randomize
