i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
