your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My butt remains clenched, sir.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
