By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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