I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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