i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
