Where is the hickey?
barbara walters just said penis...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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