Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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